Crisis of Conscience

Note: Before this entry is published I’m going to talk to all the people involved and I’m also going to change all the names. I don’t usually do this, but when dealing with minors you can’t be too careful.

This entry has been rolling around in my mind for a few weeks. On May first, I went to Pride. Those of you who know me know that I always go and have a booth there. This year, I was also on a mission to find teenage appropriate clothes for someone with two moms who is not embarrassed about it. This is because two of my beloved activist friends have adopted a 14-year-old girl. One of my greatest joys in life of late has been buying and sending things to Jane. It’s lovely being a virtual auntie. You get to spoil someone else’s kid and you don’t even have to babysit.

When I saw the teenagers from Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) sitting across from me selling t-shirts, I thought that I would get her one. Knowing, as I do, how much she seems to like bright colors and rainbows, the white rainbow t-shirt that said ‘I LOVE MY FAMILY’ with a heart where love should be seemed ideal from my ultra-femme honorary niece. However, when I had someone take over my table so I could go over there, they had sold out of the shirt I had wanted. All that remained was a gray shirt with orange writing that said ‘YOU KNOW WHAT’S SO GAY? MY FAMILY.’

Being bisexual and in a wheelchair, I’ve encountered my share of bigots because I wear activist t-shirts and have liberation stickers on my wheelchair. For a moment, I considered not buying this very obvious shirt. The last thing I would ever want is for some middle school bully to harm Jane. I sat there for several minutes while the teenager who showed me the shirt waited expectantly for me to do something, namely take out my wallet. In the end, I rebuked myself for having these giving in sort of thoughts. Jane lives in a nice place with progressive people and young people today are much more accepting than when I was growing up. I was sure she would have no problems. Moreover, I thought this was much more of a Pride festival shirt than a wearing-to-school-on-a-regular-basis shirt.

I put the shirt in the mail the next day along with a shirt I got her from ADAPT, a disability rights group I belong to. About one week later, I got a message from one of her moms saying the package had arrived and not to worry. She was not mad at me despite the impression I may have gotten from her Facebook status. I hadn’t checked Helen’s Facebook status that day, so I didn’t even know what she was talking about. Of course, the curious person I am, I went and checked immediately.

Apparently, Jane had insisted on wearing the gay family shirt to school. Helen, being a protective mom, was concerned about people teasing her. But anyone who knows Jane will tell you that once she gets her mind set on something, good luck getting her to change it. Finally, the pair reached a compromise. Jane could wear the shirt I sent, but she had to wear another shirt over it. Now that Jane was successfully off at school, Helen confessed to feeling a little guilty. She said “Have I betrayed my community, my family, myelf?”

I felt amazingly guilty at causing my friend to go through all those emotions merely because I bought her daughter a gift. It really made me think. On the one hand, I was very proud of Jane for not being afraid of what people would say and being proud of who she was—the daughter of two awesome lesbian activists who loved her to bits. On the other hand, I was afraid as her mom was that some hotheaded teenage bigot might give her a bloody nose or something.

This made me think about when I have my own kids in the future. Will I be nervous if they want to wear a shirt saying they have two moms in my case is, as far as I can estimate, is about a 70% likelihood. Will I try to shelter them from the misguided bigots of the world? Is this even good for them? What does my sexual orientation have to do with their growing up in the first place?

Of course, I don’t need to figure any of this out right now. At the moment, I’m so hopelessly single, it’s pathetic. There is no partner. Therefore, there will be no kids. My mother was a single mother and I respect her for it. A lot of my friends are single mothers, so please don’t think I’m bashing single motherhood. It’s just not for me.

In the end, I’m glad, in a way, that this incident happened. It gave me some clarity around issues I fully expect to struggle with when I become a mother. Although, I also hope that the world will become more accepting by then. Somehow, though, I’m sure we’ll have a bit to go. I think that’s always going to be the case.

Whty Local Elections Matter

I voted today. It was local election. We visited for two Selectman, a housing authority member, and a few board of health members. I know it was only a town election, but town elections ensure that Belchertown pays its community transit fees, has good housing programs, and a really good school system. Therefore, town elections are vital to every citizen’s well-being.

Sadly, not every member of my community sees it that way. I voted at just past 12:30. According to the election worker, I was voter 115 in my precinct of about 2,300! That’s a 20% return My good friend Ken Elstein, who is even more of a political animal than I am, who was at the polls today garnering support for Dave Sullivan, a Democrat who’s running for District Attorney told me there have been years where the total voter turnout was 800 for the entire town!

I’m fanatical about voting. While I will allow a lot of political divergence between myself and any romantic partner I have, I can’t imagine myself being happily attached to a committed “non-voter”. Bring a disabled, person of color who happens to be a woman, too many people have tried to separate me from that ballot box and democracy. I’ve never, in my life, missed an election in which I was eligible to vote. I don’t plan to, either. It just isn’t part of my character.

By the time I post this, it will be about 6:45. If you live in Belchertown, you’ll have 1 hour an 15 minutes to do your civic duty at the high school at 142 Springfield Road. If you don’t live here, make sure you vote in your own local election. Democracy, even just local Democracy, doesn’t just ask us to participate everyday. Election days are special and we should rejoice and participate therein.

Mother's Day Thoughts and a Bit of Activism

It’s nearly Mother’s Day and we are all getting numerous e-mails about ways to honor our moms from flowers, to memberships in various clubs, to gifts of electronics, clothes, or what not. I, myself, bought my mom a Mother’s a present in December (when the after-Christmas sales were on). I am writing here to discourage Mother’s Day presents or Mom honoring. Moms deserve it!

But I’m disturbed by one site and one e-mail I received today. The site is an elder care residential locator website. Nowhere on the site is home care mentioned, even through studies indicate that most moms would prefer to get daily living activity support (DLAS) in their homes. All that is featured there are sugarcoated stories of institutional living and sweet pictures of adult children and elderly parents.

When my mom gets old enough to need DLAS, she’ll have support services in her own home, as I do now. Hopefully, the Community Choice Act (CCA) will be passed by then, which means she will be able to get services wherever she wants. If not, she’ll live with me until she can get her own services in Massachusetts. This situation will not please either one of us. We are very different people, with very different ideas and ideals. I don’t see that changes as either one of us ages. If this situation occurs, it will become priority one on my personal list to get my moved into her own house with services and out of my personal space.

I’ll be a Daughter from Hell to MassHealth, let me assure you. In my mind, the aforementioned organization (that doesn’t exist yet) grew out the Mother’s from Hell (a group of radical activist moms who tirelessly advocate for their children with disabilities). In my mind, the Daughters are the adult children of such moms who advocate for their moms to get independent living services as they age. One hand washing the other across generations.

In e-mail that disturbed me was from the lovely people at Care 2. They send daily e-mail exhorting people to undertake certain electronically based political action. I’m on their list. Today people were asked to send an e-mail to a “homebound, hungry mom”. I’m not discouraging community interaction with such moms in anyway, but I do have a question. If I undertaken such action, will it cause anyone to eat? The petition doesn’t tell me what good I'll do.

So, why should I, who have a busy life, the action that doesn’t seem to have positive outcome. Instead of encouraging readers to write to these hungry moms, why aren’t they advocating that readers prepare meals for their neighbors or harass their Congress people to increase funds to elder feeding programs or for more homecare services, as homecare workers could make food for these women daily and
eliminate the problem?

Just a few political thoughts from a non-mom, although I do hope to be one someday, as Mother’s Day nears.

Food Justice for EBT users!

re you a food stamp user? Did you know some farmers’ markets take EBT? They do. Better yet, you can double your food stamp benefits if you shop at the markets! Just give the market registrar your card (you can ask where they are) and they will give you tokens for a value of $2.50.

You can buy vegetables, meats, breads, or even vegetable plants! In Northampton yesterday, I brought a small block of feta cheese, a small bag of salad (good for 4-5 bowls), and a dozen organic eggs for $8.75 in benefits. Not bad, especially when I plan to buy big groceries (including ethical meat) next week when I get another installment of food stamps. I'll have a very happy belly on Tuesday. I'm thinking of spending $50 in tokens, that's $100 at the market, yay! Maybe I'll just get $30, because I don't want freezer burn, as my assistant pointed out.

Find out farmer’s markets in you’re area that take EBT, by clicking here. The website says it’s only for Western Massachusetts, but you can find any city by changing the town search parameters on the site. So, find your local participating market and eat some local, fresh food this season!

This news made me so happy. I love farmers markets, but can't always go because of the food stamp issue. This is easy access to fresh food. My body is screaming, "Oh Yay!"

ADAPT on Wednesday

After learning that implementing the Community Choice Act would only cost middle class taxpayers $6.07 annually according to a Harris Poll that was released today, I am trying very hard (and at the moment succeding)to not become livid. For the lack of $6.07 a year, thousands of Americans who have committed no crimes are incarcerated in institutions. What can you buy for $6.07? McDonald's? Some potato chips? A 1/3 of one month's worth of basic cable? Not much! In fact, I have two story ideas planned around this $6.07, one is I'm going to look for change on the street and add it to a change jar until it comes up to $6.07, then I'm going to write about how long it took me to find it. Secondly, I will go to various stores and see what $6.07 affords me. I don't think it will be much or anything very good for me.

The other exciting thing that happened today was that stan Bangenstos of OCR and DOJ came to his pre-arranged meeting as promised. It's amazing what you get when you simply show up outside someone's office with 500 people! He seems really nice and committed to his job, but we'll see what we what see. I don't trust most politicians. I know that sounds aweful, but it's true. He listened to everybody's story.

the most poignant story to me was Joey's from Indiana. It could have been mine. In fact, it was. He also had to move states unwillingly because of service needs. He asked Mr. Bangenstos if he would ever be able to go back home. Mr. Bangenstos said it was the right of every American to live wherever they want to and that does not change because they are disabled. I hope/believe that maybe this man might be the one who lets me move back home and still live on my own. I have no desire to live with my parents and indeed I won't do that again no matter what happens. But Philly is nice, so is Pittsburgh. I could move there, no problem because I'd close enough to visit, but far enough away to not have my parents in my business.

Now I'm off to party. Work's done, now it's time for fun. I'll miss everyone here as always. I can't believe I won't see them until September. Back to Massachusetts and being by myself. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I won't let my situation steal this evening.

Tuesday Report

Flushed from our 2-0 day yesterday, I didn't even mind (much) getting up at 3:30 in the morning. Hell, if justice comes one day sooner because I get up at 3:30 in the morning, I'll do it for a year. I had no idea where we were going. Unless you're one of the elite few, you never know, although experiences people have a guess or two as we march familiar routes. But in my 15 years of involvement with ADAPT, we've never marched to the Hilton Washington, but we did today because Speaker Pelosi was there. We wanted to ask her why she didn't support the Community Choice Act (CCA). Apparently, there was even a group of women with disabilities who wanted to especially try to meet with her because she has always said that she is for women's issues, but not co-sponsoring the CCA helps neither disabled women or women who are caregivers. It leaves both groups high and dry. For myself, I thought Nancy was going to be a better speaker than she is turning out to be. I am disappointed as I'm sure most of my gender is in her performance thus far and not just on this issue.

We began the day at 1t 5:30am, hoping we could intercept Nancy en route to speaking at the American Hospital Association annual conference. But according to reports I have gotten, I wasn't in the area to see the Speaker, so I can't swear that it happened. Pelosi fled when she saw ADAPT assembled outside the Hilton to meet her. May I ask what the Speaker of the House who has armed protection 24 hours a day has to fear from 500+ non-violent mostly disabled protesters. I've been an ADAPT for almost as long as I've been an adult. We are no threat to anybody.

Sam Donaldson came to the event as well. He was much more helpful than Nancy. He seemed interested in what we had to say and even gave us Speaker Pelosi's office number. Not that I'm telling you what to do, but should you want to contact Pelosi to inquire as to why she ran away from non-violent protesters who were merely inquiring into her reasoning and decision-making, feel free to do so. Here is the number 202.225.4965. If you call, thank you in advance.

I'm glad that all we're doing tomorrow is going to Capitol hill and having a press conference and meeting. I honestly don't think my poor body could handle a 3:30am wake-up. Although, as I've said I will if I have to. I'm looking forward as always to the party which commemorates the end of of every action. But I'm said that I'll be going back home to Massachusetts where I have no one to discuss this work with.

Monday with ADAPT

I was really hoping that the rain would hold off until we returned to the hotel. No such luck! It always rains when we're in D.C. My mother says it's because God is weeping that we still have to come here. If that's the case, God should make it rain on the bureaucrats heads, not ours.

Our first stop was the Department of Justice (D.O.J.). For those of you who don't know, the DOJ is responsible for the enforcing the Olmstead decision which said that people with disabilities have the right to receive services in the most integrated setting that is safe. With all the state budget cuts, enforcing Olmstead is difficult because community-based settings are optional whereas anyone who wants to go into a nursing home has the right to do so as long as they meet the requirements. And there are no waiting lists. I have one question: Why would you make an entitlement no one wants instead of paying for the cheaper option that people want? Only in Washington and various state capitals. The D.O.J. big wigs agreed to meet with us here at the hotel on Wednesday at 4pm. Go us!

After the victory at the D.O.J., we stopped in a park to have our traditional McDonald's lunch. there were no fries this time and I'm kind of glad about that because i just learned that McDonald's fries don't mold after 12 weeks. Don't believe me watch the special features on the Supersize Me DVD. But I would have eaten them anyway, as I was so hungry.

Finding a place to pee when ADAPT is out on an action has always been difficult, especially when you're in a wheelchair. A lot of people wear Depends so they don't have to worry about this issue. I can't because I'm allergic to the plastic. When I get back, I'm going to have my friend Laura make me some cloth Depend-like garments that I can use for these events.

Then what happened to me today won't happen again. I was going to use a Port-A-John at the park we stopped at, but the wheelchair-accessible ones were padlocked. WTF? Finally, we just overtook the first-floor bathroom in the Air and Space museum which is very small by the way. I do not recommend it. I waited in line for about a 30-45min for the bathroom. When I came back, everyone had left. Luckily, my roommate Cheryl called my cell phone earlier in the week, so I had her number.

Shaniek and I made it to the National Governors' Association (NGA) after 25 minutes of walking, including misdirection by a gentleman whose heart was in the right place. I'm happy to say my chair held up over the grass. I've been to the NGA before, but I'd forgotten where it was.

The NGA is the organization to which every governor has membership. They have a lot of power, but you wouldn't know this because no one ever hears about them. ADAPT has been negotiating with the NGA for years. Today, they finally agreed to contact ADAPT leadership in ten days and discuss including community-based services as part of their best practices model which many states follow.

As happy as I was at this second victory, the score by my count is ADAPT:2 institutional bias:0. It was hard for me to be at the NGA because I kept thinking of people I love who aren't here anymore. I especially missed Buddy who was an ancient man from Philly with a horn he blew with his foot. I've never been to an action without him and up until I learned of his death abotu 3 weeks ago, I must confess i thought he was immortal. He lived a good life, mostly free of institutions even in the end. But it doesn't make it any easier. I still miss him. I really feel that the only time it's safe for me to miss people is when I'm here. Everyone else understands. These people were their second family too. But then I remember there are battles to be won and my friends wouldn't expect me to stop fighting to mourn them, so I do what every good soldier does and soldier on.